Two Years Without You

Madison,

Your two year angelversary is already here upon us. Where did the time go? I can still see the dreams I had for you. You should be learning to ride a tricycle this summer, following Kayla everywhere, and jumping into my outstretched arms. Instead, there will be one less bike out this summer, a white butterfly chasing Kayla, and an empty spot in my arms.

Not a day goes by that I don't still think of you. I thought with time it would get easier. Sure, the tears don't flow as often as they used to, but the ache in my heart is just as painful today as it was two years ago.

You have given me the most beautiful gift this year, your baby sister Emmalyn. She looks just like you, so amazingly beautiful. I thank you so much for watching over her and bringing her into my arms healthy.

I recently saw this and thought it was perfect: "Rainbow Baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and hope." I think this describes the gift of Emmalyn perfectly.

Madison, you will never be replaced. Although there is an empty place in my arms, you will always be in my heart. You ARE love, and you ARE loved. One day I will be able to look into your eyes, see your smile, and feel your arms around me. But until that day, I will continue to look for the white butterflies, I will continue to talk about you, and I will continue to keep your memories alive within my heart.

Love always,
Mommy